Cloud's Adventures in Wonderland
by Singing Muse
Summary: Cloud should have known; when you enter Wonderland, nothing is ever the same. Oneshot Yaoi


**I had a stroke of inspiration in church, so enjoy what comes out of my mind when I'm supposed to be praying. :D**

**Rate: T; for sexual terms, crude humor, and cursing.**

**Pairings: Cloud/Anyone**

**_Warning: _The following story contains YAOI. Also known as a HOMOSEXUAL relationship between two men. If you do not support the pairings, the terms, or Homosexuals relationships in general, please stop reading. Otherwise, don't come flaming to me about your moral problems with said story, because no one cares.**

_Disclaimer: I do not own characters, game, songs, or products used in this fanfiction. All uses of said items belong to the proper owners and have not been used for any personal gain except for the enjoyment of others._

**Cloud's Adventures in Wonderland**

Once upon a time, in the land of Nibelheim, there lived a boy who always had his head in the clouds. Ironically enough, his name was Cloud. A child with sun gold spiky hair that never seemed to fall and far off blue eyes, he would sit under a tree each day, skipping his lessons and that's exactly why he had flunked out of school a few weeks ago. Apparently, daydreaming wasn't an important skill for a SOLDIER; Vice-President Rufus kicked him out without even a chance to explain himself! Whatever, at least_ he_ wasn't screwing his bodyguards.

Now, with the wind blowing calmly through the leaves and grass of the tranquil meadow in his homeland, Cloud's eyes began to close. What a failure he was, he hadn't even gone to see his mother yet. He had been hiding out, opting to take a room at the inn and hang out with his friends for the past week; sneaking out when no one would see him. He didn't want to see her reaction; the disappointment that was sure to be in her eyes. He had been ready to come back home as a big muscular man, not a small boy who could barely pick up a sword. A man, no, a SOLDIER that both men and women would drool over at the sight of him shirtless and all the children would worship him. He'd impress them with his battle skills… maybe a fight against Ifrit. Yeah…that'd be awesome…he could just image the fa---

"YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

The blond's eyes sprung open when an ear-piercing yell echoed across planes. What the hell was that?! Pulling himself up, Cloud watched as a man went racing by, his bright red hair looking like red flames as he ran. Though that wasn't what was wrong here. It was what the man growing out from beneath his hair that freaked Cloud out.

The man had _rabbit ears_; pure white rabbit ears.

To be sure he wasn't just seeing things; the teen rubbed his eyes and looked again. It didn't change a thing, however, and Cloud was pretty damn sure he wasn't dreaming. The man, who had stopped to take a breath, hunched over and placed his hands on his knees.

"Goddamn, yo. I'll never make it back there in time." He groaned, pulling on the collar of his opened white dress shirt. He'd probably feel better if he hadn't been running in that suit, but it was part of the uniform. "If I ever get a chance, Imma give that bastard a straight punch to the…" The rabbit man stopped mid-sentence, catching sight of the tiny boy sitting under a tree, staring at him.

He straightened up and smirked. "Well, well, well; looks like this place has some cuties." Somehow, in between Cloud's blinks, the rabbit haired man had managed to strut his way over to Cloud, his hand pressed against the tree near the blond's head while the other sat lazily in his pocket. He smirked down at the bewildered blue-eyed boy, flicking his ponytail over his shoulder, "and what's your name, cutie?"

Utterly dumbfounded, Cloud couldn't stop himself from opening his mouth, "C-Cloud…"

The older man licked his lips, bending down closer. "'Cloud, eh? Cute name ya got there; I'm Reno, yo." Cloud flinched and backed his body closer to the tree trunk, turning his head away at the feeling of breath against his face. A hand reached out and took him by the chin, leading his face back to Reno's.

"No reason to be shy, hotness." He chuckled, his forehead bumping against Cloud's, "I just wanna have some fun with you." He whispered his lips barely inches away from his. Cloud shut his eyes, red beaming across his cheeks, strangely loving the hand that dared slide into his pants and squeeze his butt. The blond readied himself for the assault on his mouth, his hands clutching onto the loose wood of the tree in anticipation. However…

_I kissed a boy and they liked it_

_Got all the honeys in the club excited~ _

_I kissed a boy just to start shit_

_And homeboy was not about it~_

_I know it's wrong, but I don't mind_

_I'm gonna start shit tonight_

_I kissed a boy just to start shit_

**Bitches loved it~**

Reno exhaled, annoyed, at the faint singing coming from his chest. Reaching into his shirt, he pulled out a round vibrating orb on a chain. He pressed a button on the side to stop the movement and the lid opened to reveal a clock.

**Tick tick tick tick… **

"SHIT!" Reno exclaimed, running a hand through his red locks. "I'm really fucking late now!" Hastily, he stuffed the clock back into his shirt, his rabbit ears standing straight up in the air, and pushed himself off the tree like he was preparing to start a hundred meter race.

Before taking another step, Reno whirled around and grabbed Cloud by the collar, pulling him towards his lips, and gave him a messy kiss "Sorry, babe. Gotta answer to the Queen~" He winked at him; putting the dazed boy down on the ground and hopping away, quite literally, like a rabbit.

Cloud collapsed to the ground, his face still red and his lips swollen. Not to mention his pants had suddenly gotten uncomfortably tighter. Watching the red blur that was Reno, Cloud involuntarily began to drag his fingers into the grass, something cold touching the skin of his palm. Looking down, he saw the gold metal clock; still ticking away and unaware its owner had left it behind.

"Uh." Still a bit weak in the knees, the teen managed to stand up, clock in hand, and run after the rabbit man. "Wait!" He called, somehow keeping him in sight. Reno didn't hear him, though, and kept running into the forest. Cloud did his best to keep up with him, despite being one of the slowest kids in his class, pinning his eyes open so he wouldn't lose him.

They ran through trees along clear paths, up hills and over cold rivers and still Reno didn't hear him when the small boy called out, "Reno! Wait! You forgot your clock!"

They ran until they got to the darkest ends of the forest, where high-level monsters were known to roam. Cloud gulped, too stubborn to turn around, (plus, he kind of wanted some more loving) but still a little paranoid that something would come out and jump him. That all vanished when he noticed Reno beginning to slow down and then finally come to a stop.

_Yes! _He cheered in his mind, tempted to pump his arms up in victory "Hey RENO! You forgot your--" Cloud's eyes bulged out of his head at what he saw next.

Reno, pulling his falling pants up awkwardly, took a step forward and then jumped into an unknown abyss with still speeding towards him and the said abyss. The blond did his best to slow down, but his legs only moved quicker, like something was pulling him, and before he could grab on to anything, he slipped on some mud and went plunging down the dark hole.

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Cloud screamed at the top of his lungs, covering his face with his hands in protection against the harsh wind. He couldn't see anything! He was going to die! And worse part was that he was still hard from his kiss with Reno. So now he was going to die alone, weak, and horny!

His voice bounced off of something and echoed all around him as he fell deeper and deeper and deeper until…

FLASH!

Suddenly, Cloud was falling into a bright light and his body slowly became lighter. _Shit!_ He thought. _I went towards the light without even thinking! Damn it! Don't you usually get a choice whether or not you want to go towards the fucking light?!_

But something was different about this light. When he opened his eyes, it blinded him. There was nothing there. Don't tell him this was the afterlife, cause then he'd have to have a serious discussion with Aerith when and if he got the chance to talk to her!

All too quickly, the light disappeared and was replaced with darkness again, his body whirled around by wind, went plummeting down even faster than before. He screamed and covered his face again, his body spinning around until it landed hard on something…soft?

When he was sure his brain was done twirling in his head, Cloud opened his eyes to find he was…in a field full of giant mushrooms?! The teen turned his gaze around him. Yeah, it was defiantly all giant mushrooms. Feeling below him, he could see that he was sitting down on one as well. Gulping, he slid his body off the large fungus and hit the ground; which he strangely could not see. Why? Well, that was because a giant wave of blue had covered his view when he fell, like a skirt…

Wait…

With both feet on the dirt floor, Cloud pushed the fabric down to reveal…he was defiantly wearing a dress "WHAT THE HELL?!" He screeched, moving his body from right to left. He didn't know how, but somehow he had ended up in a light blue Victorian style dress with frills, puffed sleeves, and a virgin white apron. Reaching up to the top of his head, Cloud could feel a tightly wrapped bow against his sharp spikes.

The blond shivered and pulled the skirt down on far as he could (down to his knees), and examined everything around him. There was a forest just beyond the mushrooms, where he could see faint movement between the…red and white bushes?

He decided not to question it this time. He had already kissed a rabbit man, jumped down a hole and NOT died, fell onto a mushroom in a forest, and somehow jumped from wearing a pair pants and a T-shirt to wearing a girl's dress. White and red plants were the least of his worries right now.

Shaking his head, Cloud moved forward, unaware that the skirt swished seductively back and forth with every motion his hips made. Hesitantly, he walked over to the bushes and onto a path that had signs that pointed in two different directions. Hoping for some help, Cloud bent down to read the signs.

'**Could be this way'**

'**Or maybe it's that way' **

The teen rolled his eyes and stood up "Some help that was." He grumbled, putting his hands on his hips. Tapping his heels (yes, heels) against the ground, Cloud began to ponder which way he should go, unaware of the voice singing horribly behind him.

"_Whhhhhyyyyy~ Something Something Sad lllyyyyyrriiicccsss~ WHHHAAAAHHHHYYY?! Oh baby, why'd you lllllllleeeeHHHEEEVVVE me?!"_

Like a ghost, the male slipped through the tree with a goofy grin on his face, his hands in his pants pockets. His whole outfit was composed of purple, his tight and sleeveless high-necked shirt made up of light and dark purple stripes and his pants an indigo color. A similarly striped tail swayed behind him as he walked, his cat ears twitching at the sound of tapping.

The dark spiky haired man stopped mid-skip with one leg in the air and spun around towards the back of the pondering blond. Curiously, he cocked his head to the right and then left before grinning and skipping over to Cloud. Silent as the wind, he watched the blond for a moment or two, waiting for him to notice him. However, when it became clear the he was too far gone in his own thoughts to notice even a bomb falling from the sky, the man pouted and looked down.

A mischievous smirk graced his lips, his tongue slithering out and then licking a sharpen tooth. Reaching for the hem of his skirt, he violently pulled up to see Cloud's cute little butt. "EEP!" The blond jumped in surprise, pushing the skirt down and turning around. The strange male laughed at the pink tint on his cheeks.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing?!" He demanded, slamming his foot on the ground. The man laughed again" Just having a little fun!" Reaching below once more, he lifted the skirt up and went under. Cloud yelped, kicking the man in the face and jumping away, "That's not funny!"

"Sure it is!" The spiky haired man said, getting up. Without a warning, he had vanished and the teen was left alone in the pathway again, only to feel two strong arms envelope his body and pull him close. The man's cheek nuzzled his spikes, as his tail wrapped around his waist.

"You're so cute, Cloud~" He chimed against his ear. Cloud shivered and grabbed at his arms. "How in the hell do you know my name?!" The man chuckled, brushing his lips against his neck and licking teasingly. "Oh, I know about everyone and everything that comes into Wonderland!" The teen continued to struggle against him, gasping when one of the cat man's hands went under his skirt and rubbed against his thigh.

"Come play with me, Cloudie~" The man coaxed, now biting at his neck and grinding against the boy's backside. Still somewhat fighting the urge to give in, Cloud gasped and roughly pushed away from him. The man whimpered at his empty hands like a puppy and looked at him.

Cloud shook his head, scratching his blond spikes and smiling, his cheeks stained bright red "S-sorry! I don't play with people I don't know!"

The cat man blinked and laughed, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. "Sorry! I got carried away." Again, he disappeared, this time appearing on a branch upside down. "I'm Zack, the Cheshire Puppy!" He said; grinning from ear to ear, both his pointer fingers signaling towards his face.

Cloud stared at him with a eyebrow arched "Puppy?" He questioned, "You look more like a Cheshire 'Cat' then a 'Puppy', Zack."

It was like he had shot a bullet into his pride or something. Unexpectedly, Zack's eyes began to water and his face twisted in sorrow, small sniffles sounding from him before he released one gigantically loud wail. "I-I-I-I-I-I USE TO BE A PUUUUPPPPPPPYYYYYY!!!"

Cloud covered his ears as Zack fell from the tree and continued to cry, the sound making the forest quake around them. Biting his lip, Cloud shut his eyes and ran over to the man, grabbing him by his cheeks and lifting him until his lips touched his. The cries died down and Zack finally calmed his whimpering, as he pulled the smaller boy closer and licked his lips. Cloud moaned, loving the feel of Zack's tongue dancing around in his mouth. Breathing deeply, he stepped back and sighed. "Feeling better?" He asked timidly, sporting a brand new bright red blush.

Zack blinked up at him and then grinned, jumping up and standing before him. "Yup! Yup! Thank you, Cloud!" He piped, jogging in place. Cloud giggled and smiled at the quick change in emotion Zack had, "So, mind telling me why you changed 'species'?"

Zack stopped his jogging instantly and turned his head towards Cloud, a pout on his lips. "It was the Queen of Hearts' fault." He stated; his arms crossed over his chest as he recalled it all. "I pulled a prank in the royal garden; you know just making some flowers super big and some super small. Well the Queen didn't like it and so…and so…" He sniffed, preparing to start his 'wail of doom' all over again. Cloud was one step ahead, however, and quickly gave him a smooch on the cheek. Zack smiled and breathed in. "So the Queen had me turned into a cat because apparently turning me into my opposite would be the greatest 'punishment' of all."

After retelling his story, Zack sighed and then turned his sights to the watch in Cloud's hand. "Hey, isn't that Reno's?"

"Huh?"

"The watch."

Cloud looked down, finally noticing the object after all this time. "Oh yeah, you know him? He dropped this and I've been trying to give it back this whole time."

The cat man grimaced and rubbed the back of his head, his tail swirling around in thought, "Yeah I do. He owes me money." He said. "I don't know where he is right now, though. He's always skipping all over the place."

The blond's face fell at the news, "Oh…" which made Zack panic in return. "B-b-but I think I know someone who does!" Cloud lifted his face up again; smiling brightly and making Zack's heart melt a little "Really; who?!" Cloud practically shrieked as the excitable bouncing he was currently displaying sent his skirt flying all over the place. God; how could you NOT love this kid?

"See that path?" He asked, pointing towards the left to a dirt road that he had been staring down before. "You go that way and you'll meet with Mad Gen and March Angeal. They should know where he is. Just…" He bit his bottom lip. "Don't let Gen give you ANY tea, okay?"

Cloud raised an eyebrow at him. "Why?"

"Just don't!"

"But wh--"

"JUST GO!"

"But I still don--"

"BYE!"

And then he was gone, leaving Cloud all alone to deal with this 'Mad Gen' and 'March Angeal'. Hey, how bad could they seriously be?

* * *

Beautiful blue eyes twitched irritably, his teeth biting at the inside of his cheek. He should KILL Zack if he ever saw him again.

Currently, he sat at an overly decorated table, teacups and teapots laid on it for a party. Across from him sat an auburn haired man, known as Mad Genesis Hatter (Mad Gen, for short) who was trying to force feed him strangely colored tea and March Angeal, a man with brownish rabbit ears and a rather large sword strapped to his back.

The moment he passed that golden gate, he had been attacked by Mad Gen, who proceeded to lift up his skirt and try to molest him until Angeal had come into his view and pushed him away, apologizing for his 'partner's' rudeness. Worst part was; Mad Gen truly was 'mad'…about literature. For the last HOUR he had been going on about this epic poem called 'LOVELESS', not letting him get a word in edgewise.

He could hardly think about his mission when his mind was preoccupied by something else. "Um.…um…Mr. Angeal?" He shyly started behind his tea (which Angeal had safely poured for him, against Gen's protests)

"Just Angeal, Cloud." The dark haired male said, smiling at him while he swirled the tea in his cup in a bored manner. Poor guy, he must be forced to drink this stuff every day. "Now, what is it?"

"Um…well…what's the deal with the coffin in the middle of the table?"

As he had said, there was a giant black coffin in the middle of the table, the lid closed and a red cross drawn on the top of it. Angeal raised his eyes up and smiled, taking a small sip of his tea. "That? That's where Vincent sleeps."

"V-Vincent?"

"Yes; Vincent the 'Dorm Mouse'." Genesis said, finally finishing with his one-sided chat about LOVELESS. "We found him one day in the Wonderland Labs, sleeping peacefully as ever."

"He was part of some of the experiments there, apparently."

"He's a rather quiet guy when he's awake and pretty damn good to look at from behind." Mad Gen almost seemed to go off in his own land for a moment, his eyes holding a look that Cloud just…just didn't like. "You just can't mention one word around him and he'll be fine…"

Cloud blinked. "What word?"

"Oh, you know." Genesis took a sip of tea and then leaned over the coffin to whisper to Cloud, "H-o-j-o"

The blond cocked his head and stayed silent, trying to compose the word in his head. Then he looked back up at them, "Hojo?"

Suddenly, the lid of the coffin slammed open, hitting an unprepared Genesis in the face and knocking him out of his chair. A long haired man with mouse ears and a golden hand sat up, his red cape partially covering his face. With angry red eyes, he lifted his golden hand up and began shooting around randomly. "HOJO! HOJO! HOJO! HOJO! HOJO!"

Angeal shot up, trying to get the lid back on the coffin. Genesis joined him, screaming, "ANGEAL! HIT HIM! HIT HIM! HIT HIM!" The rabbit man did as he was told and smacked Vincent on the head with his sword. Wobbling for a moment, Cloud thought he was going to fall over on him when he fell back into his coffin with a thump.

The two men exhaled as soon as the lid was back on and sat back down in their respective seats. The small teen whimpered; his eyes looking down shamefully at his teacup. "S-sorry"

Angeal sighed and waved his hand. "It's alright, Cloud. You didn't mean it." Genesis nodded. "That's right. You were just being a curious kitten and do you know what all curious kittens need?"

Cloud shook his head in confusion.

Genesis grinned from ear to ear and shoved a cup of his yellowish tea into the boy's face "MORE TEA!" Cloud pushed it away, remembering Zack's warning. "I-it's fine! I came here to ask you something anyway!" But Genesis was persistent and kept stubbornly forcing the cup towards him.

"B-but you're my guest!"

"I said that it's fine!"

"But I insist!"

"I appreciate the offer, but I must decline!"

"I reject your decline and demand of it!"

For the next five minutes, the tea was pushed back and forth between the two, Angeal ignoring the whole situation and keeping to himself. It got to the point where Genesis was kneeling ON the table, trying to get a kiss from the poor boy while still balancing his top hat on his head.

"I could feed it to you if you like." He whispered, his hand pressed between the teen's legs. Cloud hissed and squirmed, shaking his head. "I'm okay! I can drink it myself!"

Genesis' face was inches away from his, ready to ravage him. "Oh but I think it'd be more fun if I---" Genesis stopped mid-sentence when a hand punched him violently in the back of his neck, his face going straight into the table.

"SHAZAM, MOTHER FUCKER!"

An arm wrapped around Cloud's waist and all too suddenly, Cloud found himself in Angeal's lap. Of course, it wasn't him but a very angry Zack who had punched Genesis. "I should have known you would try and date rape him!" He screeched as his ears and tail pointed straight in the air.

Genesis angrily pulled himself up and placed both hands around Zack's neck. "How dare you burst in here and ruin my fun!?"

"I think a better question is how dare _you_ try to corrupt MY Cloud ?!"

"What do you mean _your _Cloud?! I don't see your name on him!"

"I don't see yours either!"

"I can't believe you would just barge in here like that!"

"I can't believe I told him to come here thinking you would help instead of harm him!"

"Well you should have known better!"

"You're a Bastard! When I'm done with you…"

A soft moan in the background cut all the screaming off at once causing Zack and Genesis to spin around towards its source. Their jaws dropped at the sight of Cloud straddling Angeal, both of the older man's hands wrapped tightly around the tiny waist and boy's blouse ripped open to reveal milky smooth shoulders, the two of them in the middle of a hot, steamy kiss.

"ANGEAL!"

The twin screams caught the two off guard and Cloud ended up jumping off Angeal's now bulging package. The rabbit man sighed, crossing his legs in more annoyance then in embarrassment. Mad Gen bolted over to him, shaking his friend by the collar with tearful eyes. "HOW COULD YOU?! I WAS GOING TO SHARE, BUT YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!" Angeal sighed again, pushing the man off. He made no comment on the matter, which ignited Genesis' rage. Zack still had his mouth wide open in pure shock. Who knew Angeal had it in him?

"Um…can I get on with the reason why I came here in the first place?" The three men looked at Cloud, who was now fully clothed once more, his lips set in a pout.

Angeal nodded. "Go ahead."

"Does either of you two know where Reno is? I gotta give him back his watch."

Genesis let go of his partner's clothing and straighten up, not sure what to make of Cloud' question. "He's at the Queen of Heart's Castle."

"Oh! Good! I'll just go there and give it to him!"

Three gasps were made in unison which made Cloud wince and back up. Angeal stared at him in disbelief, Genesis started to cry and Zack had face palmed himself; all of this leading to the eventual scream of "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!"

Genesis grabbed the teen by his shoulders and began to shake him. "You can't go there! Haven't you heard?! The Queen is gonna cut your pretty head off!" Cloud couldn't say much against that, but that was because he was too shaken up to say much of anything.

Angeal sighed and pulled Genesis off Cloud, patting the boy's shoulder. "Listen Cloud, if it means that much to you, I'll go for you…" but the glare he received from Cloud told him that was NOT what the boy wanted. The rabbit man turned to Zack with a raised eyebrow. "Did you tell him about how the Queen turned you into a cat?"

He nodded. "Yup."

Angeal turned back to the blond. "And you still want to go?"

"Yes!"

Still in a fit of shock, Genesis jumped back up and shook his head violently. "Cloud! You can't go! You're too cute! Who knows what that demon will do to you! Once! Once…oh and this will just send shivers down your spine! Once, I invited the Queen over for some tea and when I served my special tea, the Queen shattered the cup and walked out without even a say of thanks!" He fell to the ground dramatically, tears stream down his face. "What kind of person would do that, I ask you?!"

But Cloud was unmoved and soon turned away from them. "If you guys aren't gonna help me then I'll go myself." He said, reaching for the gate. Zack jumped over the table towards him. "I'll go with you Cloud, if you're so dead set on it. Better for me be there to protect you then--",

Unfortunately, Zack didn't get to go with his friend because as soon as the cat man reached for him, Cloud disappeared in a flash, the Queen of Hearts card in his place. And as soon as those three set their eyes on that card, they were out of that house faster than if it was on fire.

* * *

The first thing Cloud noticed when he woke up was a curtain of silver hair. That silver hair was connected to a beautiful angelic face, which stared at him in boredom with bright glowing cat-like green eyes. The man had one arm wrapped around Cloud's torso, keeping him in place on his lap, while the other supported his god-like face. He wore leather pants and an elegant black cape over a leather jacket lined with red, a black clasp pinning the jacket closed at his neck allowing the black shirt underneath to be seen. A red and black crown with a heart at its peak sat on his head.

Cloud blinked as he realized where he was; in a throne room and the man was sitting on a high throne. He blushed, feeling the hand move down to his crotch.

"W-who are y--"

"Sephiroth" The man answered his face still emotionless.

"Where am --"

"This is my castle."

"H-How did I---"

"I brought you here."

That's it; Cloud had hit the end of his questions. He didn't know what else to ask; Wait…moving a bit, Cloud started to search for Reno's watch when he heard a jingling. His blue eyes looked up to the corner behind the throne, and there Reno stood with the watch swinging around his finger.

"Thanks, cutie pie." He said, coming closer until he was at the armrest of the throne, leaning over to give the blond a kiss, but Sephiroth's leather clad hand pushed his face away. "Mine." He simply stated.

Reno pouted "but I found him first!" He whined, but by the look on his face, Reno could tell Sephiroth wasn't in the mood for arguments. "Mine." He stated again, this time making it clear by wrapping both hands around Cloud's body and hugging him close, glaring daggers at the rabbit man.

"Alright! Alright!" And with that Reno disappeared, a defeated look on his face.

Silence crept once more into the open throne room, the blond awkwardly shuffling about when the silver haired male's fingers tangled themselves underneath his dress bow. He jumped with the pull of the fabric and reached behind him to pry Sephiroth's fingers loose. He met with a cold, icy glare that sent shivers down his spine.

"And what, my dear sweet boy, do you think you're doing?" The older man asked, raising any eyebrow up. Cloud gulped and—despite himself—gave a small laugh, "W-well…I was just gonna…"

"'Gonna' what?" Sephiroth huskily mimicked, biting the blond's ear lightly.

The boy hissed and found himself back in the man's tight hold once more. Finally, after much resistance, he managed to say, "g-go home…" He blinked when he was sure of his own words and nodded. "That's right, go home. I gave Reno his watch back so I don't need to be--"

"I don't think so. You broke a law after all."

Cloud stopped speaking, completely dumbfounded at the smirk that played along Sephiroth's pale face. "Huh?" Law? What law? What could he have possibly done in just a few hours of being here?

The man nodded, "That's right. The 'Illegal Immigration Law of Wonderland'." Reaching above his head, Sephiroth was able to pull down a chart seemingly out of nowhere. "You see, Cloud, the way things work here is you need clearance to skip along these lands. Clearly, you're not--" he paused to lick his lips, a strange look swirling around in his emerald eyes, "from our world and therefore you're technically breaking our laws here."

Cloud opened his mouth to protest, ready to blame Reno for everything, when a leather finger pressed his mouth closed. "Uh uh, don't try to argue. I wouldn't want to put such a pretty thing like yourself in jail. They'll rip you apart in that nuthouse." A hand squeezed possessively around his waist, making the boy squeal in surprise.

The silver haired man chuckled, pressing a soothing kiss against Cloud's cheek. "Now, now…it would be wrong of me to let you walk around Wonderland with out any papers, wouldn't it?" He breathed against Cloud's neck, the teen nodding timidly in response, "I see, well then, I think I've got the perfect idea for how to deal with your situation." He pulled away and smirked down at the boy who blinked back up at him. "I'll just keep you in the castle from now on and--"

Cloud's eyes widen at the next few words that fell from those smooth lips.

"—make you my pet~"

Before he could speak, Cloud felt the man's mouth against his neck, his fingers skillfully unbuttoning his modest blouse while the other relieved the boy of his apron. Cloud moaned, his fingers running through the man's silken hair as he felt the fabrics around his body getting looser and looser until—

BANG!

"CLOUD!"

The blond pulled away at the sound of his name, almost flying off Sephiroth's lap; if the man hadn't grabbed his arms in time he would have been half way to the moon by now. The flustered teen turned his head towards the now wide open doors; Genesis, Zack, and Angeal were all standing there, with the bodies of the castle guards lying unmoving behind them.

Seeing Cloud being—yet again—defiled by a man other than him, Genesis bolted towards the throne with a shrill scream, only to be thrown back in shock by an electric barrier. He twitched slightly as he stood again, coughing out smoke.

Zack shook his head and stepped forward. "Damn it! It's just like the Queen of Hearts to steal what isn't his!"

Cloud blinked and then shockingly turned back towards Sephiroth. "QUEEN?!" He yelled. "This is a GUY!"

The cat man shrugged. "We never said he wasn't."

"But then why…"

"Have you seen his hair? It's just asking to be made fun of!" Suddenly, a dagger went sailing towards Zack's head, which he barely dodged. Sephiroth sighed and put his now empty hand down. "May I ask why all of you are upsetting my private time?" He asked, his eyes narrowing in silent rage, his hand tightening around Cloud's waist.

Genesis shot up, pushing his hat up awkwardly. "Don't act like you don't know! We want Cloud back before you turn him into a woman!"

"Hehe…" Sephiroth shook his head and stood up, putting Cloud on the throne. "I swear what idiots you three are. You act like I'm some sort of evil ruler."

"You are!" Zack screeched, pulling at his tail. "Don't you remember what you did to me?"

Sephiroth stared at him and then laughed, the memory seeming to come back. "HAHAHA! You fool! You think I did that!?" He continued to laugh to the cat man's dismay. Tears started to erupt from Zack's eyes. "Y-you did! I know cause---"

"Zack, when that happened, I was at Duchess Lazard's house,"

He froze. "S-say what."

"You heard me." The King said, sitting on the armrest. "I was away. The one looking over the place for me was my advisor, Hojo."

There was complete silence and then "HOJO?!"

Angeal spun around towards Zack. "You said it was Sephiroth who did this to you!" The cat man poked his fingers together, blushing in shame. "W-well I never saw a face because they put a bag over my head so I just assumed…DON'T JUDGE ME!" And then Zack started to wail once more. Angeal groaned and slapped his forehead.

Genesis jumped up, a smirk on his face. "But what about the time you came to my tea party?!"

Sephiroth didn't even look at him; he was too busy playing with Cloud's hair. "What about it?"

"You broke my tea cup and left!" The red head stated; grinding his teeth at the affection Sephiroth was giving to HIS Cloud.

"That was because anyone who drinks your tea has to be retarded."

Having been shot down, Genesis fell to the ground; insulting a man's tea was like insulting his pride. Angeal shook his head and picked his friend up, pinching the bridge of his nose in response to Zack's continually whimpering from the corner of the room.

With that over and done with, Sephiroth lifted Cloud up. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna have fun with my new pet." He stated, nuzzling the boy's head with a smirk. Cloud blushed and somehow shook his way out of the man's grasp.

"W-wait!" he yelled, holding his hands up in a defensive manner; Angeal had effectively ripped away the barrier and the three were racing towards him. "I-I appreciate you guys helping me, but now I just wanna go home."

Silence took over the throne room, it was awkward and so tense that you could just reach out and feel it. Then, there came a chuckle and then another one. A third…and then a forth. Finally, the room erupted with the four men's laughter. Cloud, unsure what they were laughing about, gave a tiny nervous laugh himself.

"I don't think so Cloudie." Zack said, putting his hand on Cloud's bare shoulder. "We still haven't finished with our play time." Cloud shivered, watching Zack lick his lips seductively just as a hand reached out and guided Cloud's eyes to Genesis' face, "And you still haven't had any of my tea." The boy flinched; someone wrapped his arms around his waist and lifted him from the ground. Cloud turned his head to see Angeal staring down at him with smirk. "I'm not done with you either, Cloud"

The blond shivered at the last voice, which called his attention despite having a quiet and collective tone. "I believe I have first dibs because I do rule you all." Sephiroth moved closer, lifting Cloud's head up and kissing him; prying his lips open he deepened the kiss.

Cloud squirmed about as his body was assaulted, hands pulling down the dress and four different mouths all around him, each demanding him to pay closer attention its licking and biting.

Cloud moaned and thrashed about, his body being engulfed in pure ecstasy until he just couldn't feel anymore.

"---oud…Cloud…Cloud…CLOUD!" A hand pushed him roughly against wood, forcing him awake. The blond's dazed blue eyes looked up to the two female shadows over his head. After a few blurry blinks, Cloud could make out Tifa's and Aerith's faces, "Uh…hey guys."

The two laughed at the grogginess of his voice. Taking his hand, Tifa pulled him up and brushed off the grass in his hair. "Oh Cloud," Aerith started. "You're gonna get sick if you keep sleeping out here!"

Tifa shook her head. "You keep telling him that, Aer. I've been doing it for years." With a light tap to his back, the brunette forced the boy forward. "Come on, it's time to eat."

Following behind the two chatting girls, Cloud shrugged his shoulders and looked over towards the forest. _Guess it was a dream…_ He thought with a sigh. It was a pretty weird dream, that's for sure; he hoped he wouldn't have it ag—

"Hey Cloud, what are those marks on your neck?" Aerith asked, pointing at the reddish spots on his collarbone. Cloud blinked and looked down; pulling his shirt to see that they weren't just on his neck…they…they were everywhere!

"Huh, probably some bugs. They must really like you, Cloud."

"I have some lotion that'll stop the itching. You can put it on later."

But Cloud couldn't hear them. He was too focused on something else.

With wide, unbelieving eyes, he stared down at the grass where a purple tail swayed back and forth before disappearing and reappearing, hanging from the tree.

Cloud should have known; when you enter Wonderland, nothing is ever the same.

* * *

**HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Alice!Cloud is the best. He is so easy to molest in that pretty little dress! There should be more Alice!Cloud! Right?!**

**Gaww…I think I've converted myself over to Angeal/Cloud…**

**Well…I did plan on putting this out on my birthday (Feb 16) as a present to myself, but things got in my way. Don't worry now; I'm alive, just busy. Which reminds me, I'd like to thank Wintersheast1766 for helping me with all the edits. I hope you like the added Sephiroth/Cloud part, Winter. If not, sorry, I'm still getting back into the groove of things. .**

**That goes for everyone else! I hope you all liked this oneshot as much as I liked making it!**


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